Tag Archives: Awesome

Bad Photos and Bai Signing off …

The Bai Train is approaching it’s final destination, and I’d like to personally thank you all for coming along for the ride! Erin should be just taking to the air right about now, and is on her way back to Canada.

In case you missed this week, here’s what went on:

I hope that I’ve entertained you all, since I had big blogging shoes to fill. The blog duties return to Erin and I get to say my farewell. However, not before posting some awful pics that happened over the course of the week AND a video of Erin.

We all take bad pictures. They’re unavoidable. Much like a train wreck though, we can’t look away. They’re so gruesome, yet so compelling to keep. It all starts off when someone takes a self portrait of themselves, trying to capture the fact that they’re at some place where you’re not, and have that place be in the background while they put on their false smile for the picture. If that wasn’t bad enough, someone has to go and be aware that you’re taking an already poor excuse for a picture, and make it worse by doing this:

Two please!

… also props to the ugly ass shades in this pic. 🙂

Next we have the pic that “takes itself”. I’m not sure I believe in that excuse. Last I checked, cameras don’t function without a person pressing the button.

"I'd like to ... ass-k ... you a question ..."

Erin: Whoops! My camera just took a picture of your ass Bai, all by itself!

Bai: Sure it did …

Then there are those pictures where you have to put on a stupid hat. More stupidly, you agree to put on said hat, and then take direction on how to pose/stand for the proceeding picture to be taken. Even worse is when the camera woman can’t explain to you that you need to lean forward because you’re out of the frame with the hat on! After several minutes of being directed poorly AND laughed at (because you’re wearing a silly hat), the result is this:

"Does the shark look like it's eating my head?!?" - Bai

Everyone loves balloon animals and creations right? Well, have you ever seen a Ariel from Disney’s Little Mermaid in balloon form? Even better, have you stopped a child carrying one just to take a picture of it, with a proud mom looking on? Most importantly though, when did Ariel get so busty?

Hey Ariel, do you have a permit for those guns?

Lastly we have the ever popular … take a picture while someone is talking picture. Not only does it make them look silly, everyone will ask “Was Bai drunk in this picture?!

No caption required.

As a special treat, I have a video of Erin playing her Zumba Fitness game for the Wii that she bought while she was here. Truth be told, she’s already a Zumba pro, which is why she knows the steps, but seriously, it looks ridiculous. Also of note, I already know I laugh like a monkey. I had to upload this to YouTube and link it to you, since embedding video on this blog site isn’t free. Please note that it’s unlisted, so the only way to view this video is via the link posted here. If Erin wants it to be public, I’ll change it.

Erin plays Zumba Fitness – Bai laughs – Leela stands around and sniffs the floor

 

And with that my friends, I take my leave. Thank you again for coming along with me on the Bai Train! Adios!

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San Francisco Bai

Oh my, I MISSED a post! Crap. Well that’s pretty much because on Saturday we were all over the place! So I guess that means … DOUBLE POST DAY!

Saturday started early, we were up at 8:00am or so to head off to San Francisco. We left my apartment at 8:30, went to my office to print of some tickets for our Alcatraz adventure, which took a seemingly excruciatingly long time to print. Starbucks pit stop. THEN we were off. But of course, we were supposed to be there between 9:30 – 9:50am … which of course, we arrived at 9:55am and just barely made it in line on time to jump onto the ferry to Alcatraz. Also of note, is the $55 parking ticket I got for being in a hurry and not filling the meter. Curses!

The Rock!

We went on what was called the “Six Hat Tour”, which had a park ranger talk for an hour, putting on various hates and taking on a different personality with each hat. It was very informative and we were fortunate enough to get this specific ranger because it was his last day, and we were his last group. Why was he leaving? Beats me, I didn’t ask him. 😛

After the hat tour, we went inside the prison and took the 45 minute audio tour, which is great. Erin locked me up.Well deserved I’m sure, but only for a few minutes … definitely not long enough.

No beer and no tv make Homer go crazy ...

A few hours later, we found ourselves on Pier 39, which is famous for some reason or other that I’ve long forgotten. All I tend to remember is that it’s famous and it’s a tourist trap, so I should take my friends there. There’s a store there called “Krazy Hats” or something like that, so how could we resist? Upon entering, I immediately determined that these hats were not “Krazy” at all. Most were baseball caps, which are clearly NOT “Krazy”. There were a few interesting hats, but none even close to being “Krazy”. So instead, I told Erin to put on a Harry Potter hat of some Sort (hah see what I did there? No not yet? Check the pic) and took a picture. I then proceeded to tell her that Harry Potter is stupid, and she looked as if I had just ripped out her intestines.

The "Sorting Hat"? More like the "Harry Potter sucks" hat. 🙂

Pier 39 also has a super old, but working Carousel …

It may be old, but it still works! (That's what she said!)

… and sea lions!

Moving on we hiked up Hyde street, detoured over to Ghirardelli Square, back to Hyde and stopped at Lombard street, which for those of you who don’t know, is the Crookedest Street in the World. Though throughout this whole ordeal of hiking up Hyde street, I discovered that Erin HATES walking up hills. Hyde is pretty steep. 😀

Yep ... that's pretty crooked alright!

Now we begin the night festivities. However, I really don’t have much to say other than we went to suppenkuche, and that the food and drink was excellent. I’ll let the picture sequence do the talking!

DAS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fact: Beer tastes better when you drink it from a boot!

Delicious German food to go with our beer.

Halfway there! Oh, also, Hi Friends! <waves>

Gotta drink every last drop! (That's what she said! Yes, again!)

Victory!

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How to dress … when you have to go to a place where they ask you questions …

Welcome back! I’m still your host, Tyrannosaurus-Bai. Bringing you non-stop blogging goodness for the week. Now, we all know Erin’s birthday was yesterday. She celebrated it by laying in bed most of the day, waiting for her lost luggage to arrive, while I was off at an appointment. While I currently can’t speak of what the appointment was, I can tell you that I had to be dressed quite sharply. Sadly, because Erin was in bed, I don’t have a pic of the end result, but that’s probably a good thing. Had you all seen me looking so good, the Internet would have imploded.

We’re going to do this in a different fashion though. I’m going to post this Memento style – from ending to beginning. If you haven’t seen Memento, you probably should. I saw it many years ago, and I seem to remember it being entertaining. *shrugs*

Shooooooooooooes!!:

Chubby Cat approved shoes. Thanks Leela!

That’s right, you don’t dare have bad shoes. They complete the outfit AND ladies notice your shoes. They are quintessential in capping off the outfit like a maraschino cherry on your sundae. You may wish to have your chubby animal inspect your shoes before hand. Remember, your chubby animal knows best.

Tie:

Meet the Half-Windsor Knot ...

 

This Ladies and Gentlemen, is the Half-Windsor knot. It’s a wide, even knot good for any collared shirt. Notice how the tie colour compliments the shirt colour. Silver on sky blue. That has “Lady Killer” written all over it. Your good fashion sense and tie tying ability will not only wow the ladies, it’ll impress the corporate types, or whomever else you meet. Feel confident with that, you sir or madam, are bad ass.

Shirt:

DIE FOUL WRINKLES!

Wrinkles are the enemy. “But Bai, I don’t know how to iron a shirt! Can’t I just buy a machine wash/dry-wrinkle free super shirt?” … Sure you could … if you’re an Apple-Woman. Man up, learn how to iron your shirt pansy. Now, for those of you who are married, and somehow convince your significant other to iron your shirt, don’t brag that you got them to do it … lie! You’re WAY more manly if you can iron your own shirt. I certainly wouldn’t admit to being a lazy POS … 😉

Hair:

That looks like a fast haircut!

Just like your senior prom date … Do .. it … UP!

Slacks:

… Yeah I forgot to take a pic here. Black dress pants … ironed. You’re good. Thumbs up to you. You may also choose alternate colours like grey, or a pin-striped pant. But black is slimming, so your ass will look fantastic. “You could bounce a quarter off that ass!” they’ll say! Oh yeah, and wear a belt too!

Caffeinate up:

Awareness in a pot

Tea is just as good as coffee, except you don’t get the nasty breath. If you’re going to be answering questions, you can’t have the stank breath. However, should you not be able to man up and drink tea, you’d better have some damn good toothpaste as well as mint flavoured gum for the drive over!

Shave:

Do you know how difficult it was to take this pic?!?

A wise/crazy man once told me “Hey Bai, you can shave that!” Indeed … you CAN shave that! Which you’d better, because first impressions count! This goes for you too ladies. If your beard isn’t in tip top shape, people will notice, and your charisma level will go down, and you won’t succeed. That’s just a fact of life.

Shower:

Hey look, it's Bai in the shower takin' a pic of Bai in the shower!

You stink. Take a shower.

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I wasn’t even supposed to be here today …

What a day! Wednesday = mundane report day! Hey I promised to post daily, I didn’t promise they’d all be winners. 😛

Today started off on the wrong foot for yours truly. I had a terrible sleep so I woke up tired, and when I’m tired, I’m clumsy. Clumsier than usual anyway. Despite it being my day off, I was up at 7am, and off to work for 8am. I had to head in for a couple hours before heading off to the San Francisco Airport to go get Erin. I was two sips into my coffee and then ended up knocking over my cup, spilling it all over my desk. Rookie mistake. The keyboard was the only victim of my accidental destruction. I didn’t think to take a picture, but it was a glorious spill.

3 hours later I was off! First thing’s first … had to gas up!

Gassin' Up!

Alright, we’re off to the races! The drive was was clear and I listened mostly to Andrew W K on the way.

Look who I found at the Airport!

Guess Who?!?!?!

However upon arriving and finding Erin, she was waiting at the Guest Services counter being told her bags hadn’t left New Orleans. Good job United! Here’s to hoping they deliver on their promise of delivery first thing tomorrow.

Pouty Face 😦

That was the end of the bad for the day though. Thus California journey with E-Rock (That’s me!) began! I do my best to come up with a song to listen to as the first song to kick off the journey. I wanted a song that will put a HUGE smile on Erin’s face, and then have her cringe immediately after. I’m jerky like that. 🙂 Knowing that Erin LOVES Britney Spears, and my love of heavy metal, I chose … this.

For lunch, we headed over to Harry’s Hofbrau for Hot Pastrami and Pulled Pork sandwiches.

Best. Hot Sandwiches. EVER!

Full of food, and in much better spirits we headed for my apartment … which consisted of watching some tv, then making a grocery shopping excursion. More tv, misc YouTube videos, brownies from scratch (yes, they’re delicious, and Erin helped), and now a movie – The Bounty Hunter … which Erin has fallen asleep to within the first 15 minutes, while I labouriously update her blog with mundane content. Though for the record, I’m more than happy to do so. Here’s a picture of Erin on the Rolls Royce of inflatable mattresses. 😀

Oh bed, you look so good!

Yes, that’s a puzzle on my table. Puzzles are Awesome, though optional, and not a requirement of Awesomeness.

Today started out poorly, but is ending on a high note. Tomorrow, I have an appointment, but I plan on documenting how to dress appropriately for such an occasion. Erin will be wandering aimlessly around the mall near my apartment. Friday we’re going to Muir Woods for redwoods and hiking. Saturday and Sunday are San Francisco days. All will be documented for your amusement.

E-Rock out.

P.S. It’s difficult to blog when the adorable fat ass of I cat I have, insists on strong arming her way into my lap.

That's some sweet spiral action I got while taking this pic

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Checklist of Awesome

Truth be told … I’m awesome.

That said, not only is Erin coming to visit The San Francisco Bay Area, she’s coming to visit the San Francisco Bai Area. Keep your panties on ladies, I’m talking about my apartment, which, like me, is also awesome. I’m sure a study somewhere will show that people like awesome things. People also like awesome accommodations. Do you have any out of town friends that would love to visit, but just don’t want to stay with you due to your lack of awesome? Worry not, I am here to assist.

Awesome is closer than you think, but it will require a few things. With my simple Checklist of Awesome, your pad will be the place to stay!

The Checklist of Awesome:

  • Queen sized air mattress
  • Big tv
  • Video games
  • Rock Band and instruments
  • Food
  • Drink
  • Fully functional toilet
  • Chubby animal
  • You (optional)

Queen sized air mattress:

Bow chicka wow wow ...

Look at this monstrosity. It’s amazing. It’s like the Rolls Royce of inflatable mattresses. Look at how happy those people are! “Screw foam, screw springs! Honey, we’re gettin’ an AIR MATTRESS!” Also, look at her face. Clearly she just had the time of her life. – Queen sized air mattress – CHECK!

Big tv:

 

"Hey Bai, your tv is pretty big!" ... "That's what She said!"

Big tvs are important. Why? Because they’re awesome. Also important for the next item on our list … notice the PS3, Wii and Xbox 360. The big tv allows for better viewing, and you don’t have to hear any whining about it being to small, unless your friend has a bigger tv. If they do, then you are not awesome enough … maybe you should go to their place? – Big Tv – CHECK!

Video Games:

I have a few ..

Video games are quintessential to the “hang out” experience. It’s 2011, people don’t talk anymore. This is a digital age. We’d rather be social in a cyber capacity by updating lame-o social networking sites like Facebook, or Twitter with our mundane activities. Video games take the edge off of having to actually converse, and goes straight to shit talking. You are absolutely certain that your buddy is going to call you out and you are going to respond in kind with the beat down of their life. “BAM! BAM! BAM! Whack! Whack! When’s it EVER gonna stop?! Survey says … NOT … VERY … SOON!!!” Who’s up for some Mario Kart?! I’ll OWN YOU!

Video Games – CHECK!

Rock Band and instruments:

Rooooock Baaaaaaaannnnd! You don't have to put on the red light ...

This is obviously an extension of the previous item, but still required for Awesomeness all the same. While you can still be competitive, Rock Band challenges you to cooperate with your friends, and several of them simultaneously. It also allows you to call them out when they suck balls at the game. Crank on No-Fail mode, and you’ve got yourself in-house Karaoke with plastic instruments. Don’t lie, you know you love it. You feel so bad ass with that plastic guitar or drum sticks in your hands. Then there’s the whole “Who wants to be the singer?!” problem. The only person that wants to sing the most … is the person who THINKS they are incredibly bad ass at singing, and are absolutely terrible. That person is the frontman to your video rock badassery … and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Optional: If you have a mullet wig like I do, pop that sucker on and now you’re an 80’s rock star! –Rock Band and instruments – CHECK!

Food:

nom nom nom

Friends with no food, are just friends. Friends WITH food … are freakin’ AWESOME! Don’t be a hater, get your ass to the grocery store and stock up! -Food – CHECK!

Drinks:

Ahhhh beer ... my one true weakness ... my Achilles heel if you will ...

Seriously, if you don’t have anything to drink, I’m not coming over, and you are not Awesome. Water is not a drink, everyone has that. I could stay home and drink water you cheap bastard. Added bonus, beer can be consumed in conjunction with any item on this list! -Drinks – CHECK!

Fully Functional Toilet:

...of questionable cleanliness ...

This is pretty much the most basic of requirements. Trust me, a working toilet in the time of need is quite Awesome. Extra points for it being clean. Chicks dig a clean bathroom … high five to you good sir … or madam.

-Fully Functional Toilet – CHECK!

Chubby Animal:

O Hai! Aye iz Awwsum kitteh!

Animals. They’re adorable. They melt your heart, and the hearts of your friends. They make you appear sensitive, when really you’re a jerkface. They’re also inherently hilarious, soft, squishy (cuz they’re chubby!) People love animals. They can’t resist. Even if your animal is mean, people will STILL try to chase them and pet them and talk to you about them etc. “Wow that’s so awesome, you have a kitty?! She’s SOOOOOOOOO sweet! You’re so awesome for saving a life!” … Yeah … I am aren’t I? -Chubby Animal – CHECK!

You:

This is a picture of my tits! 🙂

With the exception of house sitting (no one house sits at a non-awesome joint … no one!), you have to be Awesome yourself to warrant a visit from your friends. Your awesome stuff can be found anywhere, but you’re (allegedly) one of a kind! Now, if you have all the items on this list and feel that you’re sufficiently Awesome, but still have no friends visiting, you aren’t going to like what I’m about to tell you. Maybe you should sit down  …

I’m Awesome!

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Dinner of Champions

Alright! E-Bai is back in the blog saddle! How was your day? Mine was AWFUL! 8am – 8pm today! Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Bai, you worked a twelve hour day, how did you have time to make dinner?” Well my friends, I’m going to share with you a FANTASTIC dinner, that is not only delicious, but incredibly easy to make!

What you need:

  • Milk
  • Cereal
  • Bowl
  • Beer
  • Bottle opener
  • Glass Baby Boot – Chilled (May also be substituted with a mug, stein, or brown paper bag)

Your tool of destruction:

  • Spoon

The Dinner of Champions

Now that you have everything you need, we may begin. You’ll start off by opening the box of cereal (if you haven’t already). As you can see, for your viewing entertainment, I have a brand new box of Cookie Crisp. Does anyone know when the Cookie Cop and Criminal disappeared?! Who’s that Cookie Coyote? Anyways, after opening the box, you’re going to want to pour the desired amount of cereal into the bowl. I’m a fan of the 3/4th bowl of cereal.

Next, and this part is key … the milk:cereal ratio.

For those of you wanting an even milk:cereal ratio, you’re going to want to fill the bowl about halfway with milk as shown:

The Half-Half

However, if you’re a milk lover like yours truly, you’re going to go all in. “But Bai, that’s SO much milk, when do I stop?!” I’m glad you asked! The key to the milk lovers bowl of cereal lies in the pouring of milk until the first piece (in this case – cookie) falls out of the bowl. Now in case you couldn’t see it in the photo, I’ve carefully pointed it out for you …

 

The Milk Lover's Bowl

Notice the cookie …

Next comes the beer. Now, depending on your tastes, the beer may be poured into the boot prior to the pouring of the cereal and milk. Some people don’t want the cereal to soak too long. Hey man, it’s your world, and you can have as soggy or as crunchy cereal as you’d like. Anywho, I couldn’t pour the beer, hold the boot and take a pic at the same time, so make sure your boot’s angle is proper before making the poor from the bottle (or tap) so you don’t get too much head.

 

It’s almost time! Now before you dig in, you need to remember that it’s been a long day, and a person needs to be comfortable when partaking in the Dinner of Champions. This “eat at the kitchen table” stuff just won’t do. Park that fine fanny of yours down in your favourite sittin’ chair, or if you’re like me, you prefer the nook of the couch, where the only table I know, is the arm. Coaster up though, you don’t want a mark on that nice end table of yours!

 

Dinner is served!

Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Right on! Give yourself a pat on the back! You’ve just made the Dinner of Champions! Am I right?! Of course I am! What did I tell you? Simple!

 

Hell Yeah! The Dinner of Champions!

Here’s a note for all you milk lovers out there … there will be a moment in your dinner enjoyment when all you are left with, is your beer and milk. Now, this is known as The Crossroads. You’ve got two choices:

  1. Add more cereal
  2. Drink all the milk

The best part is … you win no matter what you choose! 😀

The Crossroads

Whoa whoa WHOA Bai … I’m concerned … is this nutritious?

AB-SO-LUTELY! Look, don’t be a Nancy Boy (or girl). Let me read the box for you … “WholeGrain & Calcium … Guaranteed” Do you think they would make that claim if it weren’t true? Don’t forget, there are nutritious hops in your beer too. Still not convinced? I’ll even read some highlights from the side of the box … “Nutrition FACTS” (emphasis added), “Vitamin“, “Iron“, “Zinc” (ZINC! Where would we be without zinc?!), “CONTAINS WHEAT AND SOY INGREDIENTS” – That shit is in caps yo! That’s serious business! I’m convinced.

What if my kids don’t like Beer X and Cereal Y?

Look, I’m mentally not much older than your kids, but seriously, variety is the spice of life. Give them options. Tonight was a Cookie Crisp/Sierra Nevada night for me. Maybe tomorrow is a Special K/Guinness evening. Who knows?! All I know is that kids love choices, so buy them the cereal and beer they like. Oh and don’t forget to watch your favourite show!

Why limit yourself?!

Thundercats HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

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Hehe!

Yeah ... 🙂

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