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Checklist of Awesome

Truth be told … I’m awesome.

That said, not only is Erin coming to visit The San Francisco Bay Area, she’s coming to visit the San Francisco Bai Area. Keep your panties on ladies, I’m talking about my apartment, which, like me, is also awesome. I’m sure a study somewhere will show that people like awesome things. People also like awesome accommodations. Do you have any out of town friends that would love to visit, but just don’t want to stay with you due to your lack of awesome? Worry not, I am here to assist.

Awesome is closer than you think, but it will require a few things. With my simple Checklist of Awesome, your pad will be the place to stay!

The Checklist of Awesome:

  • Queen sized air mattress
  • Big tv
  • Video games
  • Rock Band and instruments
  • Food
  • Drink
  • Fully functional toilet
  • Chubby animal
  • You (optional)

Queen sized air mattress:

Bow chicka wow wow ...

Look at this monstrosity. It’s amazing. It’s like the Rolls Royce of inflatable mattresses. Look at how happy those people are! “Screw foam, screw springs! Honey, we’re gettin’ an AIR MATTRESS!” Also, look at her face. Clearly she just had the time of her life. – Queen sized air mattress – CHECK!

Big tv:

 

"Hey Bai, your tv is pretty big!" ... "That's what She said!"

Big tvs are important. Why? Because they’re awesome. Also important for the next item on our list … notice the PS3, Wii and Xbox 360. The big tv allows for better viewing, and you don’t have to hear any whining about it being to small, unless your friend has a bigger tv. If they do, then you are not awesome enough … maybe you should go to their place? – Big Tv – CHECK!

Video Games:

I have a few ..

Video games are quintessential to the “hang out” experience. It’s 2011, people don’t talk anymore. This is a digital age. We’d rather be social in a cyber capacity by updating lame-o social networking sites like Facebook, or Twitter with our mundane activities. Video games take the edge off of having to actually converse, and goes straight to shit talking. You are absolutely certain that your buddy is going to call you out and you are going to respond in kind with the beat down of their life. “BAM! BAM! BAM! Whack! Whack! When’s it EVER gonna stop?! Survey says … NOT … VERY … SOON!!!” Who’s up for some Mario Kart?! I’ll OWN YOU!

Video Games – CHECK!

Rock Band and instruments:

Rooooock Baaaaaaaannnnd! You don't have to put on the red light ...

This is obviously an extension of the previous item, but still required for Awesomeness all the same. While you can still be competitive, Rock Band challenges you to cooperate with your friends, and several of them simultaneously. It also allows you to call them out when they suck balls at the game. Crank on No-Fail mode, and you’ve got yourself in-house Karaoke with plastic instruments. Don’t lie, you know you love it. You feel so bad ass with that plastic guitar or drum sticks in your hands. Then there’s the whole “Who wants to be the singer?!” problem. The only person that wants to sing the most … is the person who THINKS they are incredibly bad ass at singing, and are absolutely terrible. That person is the frontman to your video rock badassery … and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Optional: If you have a mullet wig like I do, pop that sucker on and now you’re an 80’s rock star! –Rock Band and instruments – CHECK!

Food:

nom nom nom

Friends with no food, are just friends. Friends WITH food … are freakin’ AWESOME! Don’t be a hater, get your ass to the grocery store and stock up! -Food – CHECK!

Drinks:

Ahhhh beer ... my one true weakness ... my Achilles heel if you will ...

Seriously, if you don’t have anything to drink, I’m not coming over, and you are not Awesome. Water is not a drink, everyone has that. I could stay home and drink water you cheap bastard. Added bonus, beer can be consumed in conjunction with any item on this list! -Drinks – CHECK!

Fully Functional Toilet:

...of questionable cleanliness ...

This is pretty much the most basic of requirements. Trust me, a working toilet in the time of need is quite Awesome. Extra points for it being clean. Chicks dig a clean bathroom … high five to you good sir … or madam.

-Fully Functional Toilet – CHECK!

Chubby Animal:

O Hai! Aye iz Awwsum kitteh!

Animals. They’re adorable. They melt your heart, and the hearts of your friends. They make you appear sensitive, when really you’re a jerkface. They’re also inherently hilarious, soft, squishy (cuz they’re chubby!) People love animals. They can’t resist. Even if your animal is mean, people will STILL try to chase them and pet them and talk to you about them etc. “Wow that’s so awesome, you have a kitty?! She’s SOOOOOOOOO sweet! You’re so awesome for saving a life!” … Yeah … I am aren’t I? -Chubby Animal – CHECK!

You:

This is a picture of my tits! 🙂

With the exception of house sitting (no one house sits at a non-awesome joint … no one!), you have to be Awesome yourself to warrant a visit from your friends. Your awesome stuff can be found anywhere, but you’re (allegedly) one of a kind! Now, if you have all the items on this list and feel that you’re sufficiently Awesome, but still have no friends visiting, you aren’t going to like what I’m about to tell you. Maybe you should sit down  …

I’m Awesome!

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Post-Christmas Shenanigans

Yo.

So I’ve been in Hamilton the last 4 days (finally home today!), and boy have I been busy.

On boxing day, Kathy, her mom Eileen and I participated in the Hamilton YMCA 10 mile Boxing Day Run.  ….don’t be crazy!  Of course I didn’t run it!  There is a walking start, so we walked 10 miles.  If you’re not sure how far 10 miles is , it’s 16 km.  IF you’re really not sure how far that is, well we walked at a FAST pace for 2 hours and 52 minutes.  Like I mean fast.  Sore muscles were had by all, one of us is now wrapping their ankle, and taking pain meds, and I am hearing my hip click every once in a while, which is probably good news.  I would totally do it next year.  BUT I will invest in proper “running” type clothing, as the 7 layers of clothing I wore did not keep me from having  hot and cold flashes, and lets face it, we looked like friggen 3 year old kids all bundled up in snowsuits…you know what I’m talking about- those kids who can’t lower their arms because they have so many layers on!?  Anywho, we looked ridiculous.  Everyone had like spandexy pants, and cool coats, and running belts with water bottles in them.  I want to look like I know what I’m doing you know?  And fleece sweat pants, massive vests, and scarves didn’t exactly scream experienced walkers now did it?  You live you learn.

We did get medals, and we did “finish” the “race”.  Which was our goal.  AND we finished with 7 minutes to spare!  (The finish gate was to be taken down exactly 3 hours after the start time.)  AND let me tell you we did not finish last!  There were definitely walkers and runners still behind us.

the crazy 16km route!

The day after our lovely holiday walk was spent mostly sleeping.  Seriously.  I got up at 930, went back to bed, and was woken up at 2pm by Eileen who was concerned that I wouldn’t sleep that night if I didn’t get up.  haha.

Oh, we also saw The Fighter, which wasn’t our first choice… we had gone to see The King’s Speech, but that was sold out, so we saw The Fighter, and it was AWESOME!  Sooooooooooooooo super good.  Christain Bale is friggen amazing, and should definitely win an Oscar for this role!  Marky Mark wasn’t so bad to look at either. 😛  Amy Adams I’ve decided is also a way better actress than I gave her credit for.  See ya later Rom Coms, hello Academy Awards!

Oh, and last night we had a games night which began with Family Feud on the Wii- hilarious and awesome all at once!  For real.  THEN the party split into 3 sections…1. a group of four began playing Euchre (always a great idea!), 2. another group of 4 began playing Shawn White (is that how you spell it?) snowboarding on the Wii, and 3. my group began playing Scribblish.  Do you all know what Scribblish is?  It is honestly the funniest game I have ever played.  It’s kind of like telephone but with pictures!  So everyone starts off with a caption (That you keep secret), then you draw that caption, and roll up the paper so no one can see it.  Then you trade with someone, and they look at your picture only, and try to write a caption of what they think you drew.  The next person just looks at their caption, and tries to draw their caption, then the next person writes a new caption…etc, etc. Anywho it’s like 6 or 7 switches in a round, and it turns out to be super funny when you unroll each paper with captions and pictures.  For example- one caption I had was “Bats in the attic, hippos in the basement.”  That somehow turned into “Bat crapping out a bear.”  Anyways, you gotta try it….and I guess you had to be there last night to think that last example was funny.  Whatev.  I was there and it was funny.  So funny I almost peed my pants twice.

It's by the makers of Cranium- how could it not be great!?

Our fun games night ended with another game called Blockus which I will not describe…but just say that it’s like Tetris in a board game.  Fun.   AND also everyone taking turns playing 4 player Super Mario brothers for Wii.  That is ridiculously awesome.  Especially when you pick other players up and throw them off cliffs.  Eh Joe?  (PS those other players are actually working with you on the same team, not against you! :P)

Ok, super long post, thought I should do one since people are on holidays, and some of you might want some fab reading material.  And I don’t mean the new Stephen King novel.

Oh, our wedding photographer emailed me to say the pics will be done super soon, so yayayayayayayaya!!!!  Can’t wait!  Also, I found some pics of another wedding project that Matt did (he took pictures for me so I could blog about it!).  I will post that later this week…maybe we’ll have a “Wedding Saturday”.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen goodbye.  I hate to go and leave this pretty sight.  do do do do do do do do do do do do do dooooooooo.

(Did I mention we finished off boxing day by watching (and singing along with(obv.)) The Sound of Music?!)(Well we did.)

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